Lately, when I catch the scent of rain and earth rising up, I am ten again. It’s Easter morning, the forsythia just blooming, and I sense my Mother moving somewhere nearby. I am innocent.
Today, an old man packs my groceries, repacks the eggs with a tsk at the carton fallen on its side. The eggs are intact. I mouth his name tag: “Art.” My sweet grandfather’s name. Finished with his task, he regards me with a look of satisfaction and returns my smile.
And I am twelve, transported to the middle seat of an old red Ford, a stick shift knocking my bare, bony knees. My grandfather turns his face to me crinkled into a grin (I see every line, the shade of his azure eyes), “Hungry for some ice cream, SusieQ?”
Oh.
This morning, my daughter sends me a video of her baby daughter talking to her, sounding out “hello,” and, I wonder how it all happened so fast, how I might slow it down.
When the present becomes the past, when the unpassing of Time presses against the small of my back, I sit very still…wondering, wondering what I should do. What are these moments? Not slips of memories. Maybe, time echoes? Or, God reminding me of my life so far. Or that wide-eyed me still lives? Or, that I should be both still and wide-eyed at this age. Yes.
Maybe all we’re doing here is searching our way back to the time and the person we were at our most pure, just as we became aware of the world and the souls around us.
Before we were aware of ourselves and the scent of rain and earth meant time to play.
Fast-write Writing Exercise: Set your timer for 2-5 minutes. Write about a moment when the present became the past. Maybe a scent reminded you suddenly of a scene from your past. Someone said something to you that sounded exactly like another moment in your life. etc.
